Why Control Won’t Earn You Respect as a Leader (and What Will)
“You cannot control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.” – Elizabeth Edwards
There’s a myth that runs deep in corporate culture: to be respected as a leader, you must control everything—the agenda, the outcomes, the conversations, maybe even people’s reactions.
I believed that for years. Like many leaders wired to survive high-pressure environments, control felt like safety. If I could hold all the strings, nothing would fall apart. In the short term, it worked. I looked decisive, confident, in charge.
But over time? Control drained me, pushed people away, and left me wondering why my teams didn’t truly follow me.
Key Takeaways: Why Control Backfires—and What Creates Real Respect
Control Is a Short-Term Fix, Not a Leadership Strategy
It might help you appear confident, but it silently breeds disconnection and burnout.
Real Power Comes from Emotional Regulation
The most trusted leaders aren’t the loudest or most controlling—they’re the ones who stay calm and grounded when everything feels chaotic.
Presence Builds Trust More Than Perfection
Leaders who pause, ask questions, and hold steady (even without all the answers) create psychological safety for their teams.
Small Shifts Create Big Impact
Courage, not control, is what earns lasting respect—and it can be built with consistent practices.
What Leadership Looks Like Without Control
Organizations often reward what looks like strength: commanding a room, always having the answer, never letting anyone see you sweat. But true strength looks different.
It’s the VP who pauses for one breath before responding in a heated meeting.
It’s the manager who names their own fear or frustration silently, so it doesn’t leak into their tone.
It’s the leader who chooses one grounded action over a flurry of reactive ones.
These are not signs of weakness. They’re signs of mastery—skills that make your presence steady and trustworthy, even when chaos is swirling.
Three Practices to Shift from Control to Courage
Here are three simple practices I teach my clients to help them release the grip on control and step into conscious leadership:
Pause Before Responding
Just one breath in a high-stakes moment slows down reactivity and clears your head.
Name What You’re Feeling
Fear, frustration, anxiety—naming it (even silently) loosens its hold so you can lead intentionally.
Choose One Intentional Action
Instead of scrambling with five reactive moves, pick one grounded step that moves things forward with clarity.
These practices may feel small, but over time, they add up. They help you lead with presence—not panic—and build trust that no amount of control can buy.
Ready to Lead with Presence Instead of Control?
If you’re tired of relying on control to earn respect, I’ve created a free guide: Transforming Fear into Growth.
Inside, you’ll learn:
How to identify the triggers that pull you into control mode.
Practical steps to regulate your energy, even in high-pressure moments.
Ways to earn authentic respect by leading from steadiness, not stress.
